Until I got married I didn’t even know it was possible to chew bubble gum arrogantly. I had it in my mind what marriage was going to be like. I still was not prepared. I always wished that the perfect marriage was on sale on Amazon. Then I could just one-click buy it. Of course, after reading the reviews. But even those are a lie. Like marital advice, those reviews are all over the place. Here are a few examples:
Marriage is not easy. It does not come delivered in a nice, neat package to your front door. What makes it even harder is the lies we believe. The lies told to us from the ultimate review troll-Satan. Here are 5 lies, I’ve seen with my own eyes, that are believed by Christians.
1. If you have to work at communication, your marriage is over
Imagine this scenario. First wife in space: Houston we have a problem…What…Never mind…What’s the problem…Nothing…Please tell us…I’m fine. 1 Peter 3:7: Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way. Healthy communication is so important. “Stop being lazy and get your fat butt up and mow the lawn” is technically communication. However, it is not healthy. This form of communication comes easily to a lot of people. We should work on how we talk to each other. It gets easier with practice, lots of practice. Don’t ever stop working at it. That’s the sign of a loving marriage.
2. If you need counseling, it’s too late
Sometimes this can be the beginning of a great marriage. I recommend pre-marital counseling to anyone about to get married. Imagine this scenario:
sitting at a table
Wife: writes a number on paper and slides it across.
Me: Crosses it out and writes a new number
Don’t ever let it get that bad. Proverbs 15:22 Without consultation plans are frustrated. But with many counselors, they succeed. Counseling does not have to be with a professional therapist. It is also not a sign of weakness. A good friend could work. My wife and I lean on our small group at church. You never know where wise counsel will come from. See it, embrace it, and don’t believe the lie that it is over if you need it.
Read: Navigating Marriage
3. Conflict means you are in a bad marriage
This is an easy lie to believe. If you believe in God and your marriage then fight for your marriage. Here is the key. If you are going to fight, fight like you are the third monkey on the ramp to Noah’s Ark, and brother/sister…it’s starting to rain. For every conflict make sure there is room for forgiveness, love, compassion, and sincerity. Conflict will happen. It is what you do after the conflict that will determine if your marriage will grow or be destroyed. Pray together. Seek God’s help, and make sure you make it onto the ark together.
4. Having a child will make the marriage better/stronger
(Cut to millions of parents slowly shaking their head and mouthing the word…NO). Kids are the best, and could possibly the worst thing that can happen to your marriage. But by themselves, they will not save your marriage. Only God can do that. Every day I struggle with just saying forget it, and getting their birth certificates and returning them to the hospital (for those who don’t know birth certificates are baby receipts, you can return them for store credit). You cannot, I repeat cannot put the fate of your marriage in their tiny, clumsy hands. Psalm 127:3 says Children are a gift from the Lord. Do not place the burden on them to save your marriage. Let God save it.
5. Getting married completes you
Imagine this scenario (I love scenarios by the way)
Minister: Do you promise to love him in sickness and in health
Her: I do
Minister: Til death do you part
Her: I do
Minister: Do you promise to order your OWN fries if you want them, instead of saying you DON’T want fries, then requesting a “taste” of his, and helping yourself to roughly half of them?
Her: I d—wait, what?!?
Me: Just answer the man’s question.
It starts with these vows and hopefully ends in heaven. In between, marriage does not complete you. If you remove God from the equation, you are not complete. Even if you remain married. It is supposed to bring you closer to God. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says a cord of 3 strands is not quickly broken. Marriage should be between someone who hates onions, someone who will eat that onion, and a God who created that onion.
That’s it. 5 lies people believe about Christian marriages that just aren’t true. Don’t let these lies take root and grow. Dig them up now and cast them into a fire and let God plant a tree of love and respect in your marriage. Till we get this whole thing figured out I will keep researching how to buy the perfect marriage on Amazon, with free 2-day shipping. I did, however, find a chicken and an egg on Amazon and I ordered both. I know what you are thinking, and I will let you know.
Prescott Williamson is a Bible-believing Christian. He is a husband, a father, and someone who believes that there is a little humor to be found in whatever situation God sends your way. He was born in the small islands of the Bahamas but now lives in the Suburbs of Fort Worth Texas, which is basically the same thing. He enjoys TV, reading, blogging and serving in his church (especially on the days they serve donuts). You can see what I have been thinking about lately on my blog www.prescottascoolbreeze.com.