Why Pastor’s Kids Lose their Minds
Everyone has to go through the process of finding themselves but a Pastor’s kid is the poster child of the identity crisis.
As if being a minister’s kid wasn’t bad enough, I was also a teacher’s child in school. And just to add insult to injury, my father is also well-known and respected for his knowledge of Customs matters so when I started out in shipping, I reverted back to being Ricky’s son again. ????
It is a well-known fact that the majority of Pastor’s kids behave badly. They tend to lose their marbles and act rebellious. So, today we are going to ask… Why?
What’s up with these kids?
Unlike most kids, Pastor’s children are somehow expected to be younger versions of their parents.
The unspoken reasoning is that since you are growing up in the home of this spiritual leader, you should be exactly like them. Perhaps it stems from the incident with the lady that touched the hem of Jesus’s garment and got healed. The close proximity should pass the anointing onto the child.
So by this logic, it would be perfectly acceptable to go under the knife of a surgeon’s 13-year-old kid. What could go wrong? The child has 13 years of “experience” by being in close proximity to a surgeon. Right?
What about an architect? Surely her child could be handed the reigns of the latest skyscraper or bridge development. No?
Then why are the minister’s kids expected to be at the level of their parents? But Clint, you can’t compare a minister to a surgeon or an architect! Really? Doesn’t the surgeon, the architect, and every profession in between go to their spiritual leaders for guidance? ????
Are all sheep equal?
The unfortunate reality is that when kids go wayward, parents call in the pastor to counsel their troubled youth. They trust the minister to be kind and understanding toward their lost sheep, yet sadly they would not extend the same grace when the minister’s child is lost. It’s not intentional, it’s just our mindset of how identity works.
The Environmental Argument
Sure Clint, but it isn’t the same… The Pastor’s child has the “right environment”. You know what I mean, good soil. They are growing up “under the anointing” (say it in a deep voice for maximum effect).
Well then, let’s talk environment. How would you feel if you were compared to a more successful sibling or relative? Didn’t the two of you grow up in the same “environment”? How come only they managed to rise to the top?
How about your school or your community? Everyone knows that one seed that grew up in the same environment but is now a millionaire. Comparing sucks, doesn’t it?
Do you see how grossly unfair it is to do it to anyone, let alone a child? You cannot hold a child that is trying to find their place in this world to the standard of someone that has already run the gauntlet. Can you blame them for eventually snapping under the pressure and losing their marbles? Perhaps we need to change our ways.
The problem with comparison
Mind you, this isn’t isolated to Church life, earlier I eluded to the bias extending beyond clergy and into everyday life. We compare kids to their parents all the time. We compare siblings. We compare everything! It’s just what human beings do.
I read once that Stephen King’s son is an author but no one knew that he was Stephen King’s son, not even his publisher, for years. And can you blame him? Who would want to be compared to his dad? No one does. We all hate it yet we do it to each other all the time.
Every human being has a deep desire to be their own person. To chart their own course in life. That is why being compared infuriates us. The very notion of boxing us in drives us crazy… Think about how frustrating this quarantine has been.
Quarantine is actually an outward manifestation of how many of us feel on the inside. We feel trapped and stifled by the opinions of others and it slowly eats away at our soul. We yearn to be free from the shackles of conformity. We’re all trying to find ourselves.
How to find yourself
Finding yourself takes time. I’d estimate it takes 10 years or so but every person is different. Life is a process of self-discovery. It’s like an unfolding of all you can be.
This article is aimed at Pastor’s kids so I will speak directly to them but this really applies to everyone.
Firstly, your parents need to understand the burden that their position places on you. It’s not their fault… It is, what it is.
Their answer is probably going to be that you need to get involved in more Church activities. Let me offer a suggestion, they need to allow you the freedom to explore whatever talents God gave you or things that you’re passionate about… Outside their sphere of influence.
You need to be around people that will not judge you based on who your parents are but on your own abilities and thoughts. This will allow you to become your own person, independent of them. What will most likely happen thereafter is that once you have found yourself… You will get involved in Church activities but you now have your own identity.
It worked for me… I found myself through starting different ventures and being recognized for my own abilities and not my family tree. Try it and see for yourself. Let me know how it goes… ????
My goal is to emulate Jesus and follow his example but if all else fails, I’ll be like David. A writer, a man after God’s own heart and someone not to be trifled with.
I believe in discussing life in a candid (unfiltered), no holds barred manner that stimulates personal growth.
I spend my spare time creating content that is informative, entertaining and that will help others in their personal development.
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